I’m Not One For Society

A lot of people I’ve met like to think that the world is good and pure, but the world in its raw nature is just that, natural. An endless cycle of push and pull, give and take, life and death. We rationalize our “higher brain functions” and give ourselves distractions in order to cope with the reality that our ancestors were all too familiar with and witnessed every waking hour of their existence. In those distractions, I feel as though we lost something.

As a species we’ve lost our grasp on the true nature of a world that proves consistently too big for our own comprehension. However, even in the vastness of the simultaneous events of modern society, all happening within the same realm, at the same time, but mostly outside the narrow view of ourselves. Even in that, nature still holds dominion over the human animal.

There is still wickedness taking from the weak and unprepared, causing pain and suffering. A strength fighting back as if driven by a yearning for life and creation. A Chaos that proves unpredictable, although innocent, causes just as much suffering. And a fear that grips the majority, like prey animals, unable to accept the absence of their own existence, clinging to modern safety in its many forms. Both in and outside of my narrow view, I see the most despicable actions taken on human life by its own kin. I am no different.

Driven by my own instincts, I have caused more pain than is possible to bear on my soul at once. At times I’ve shown more compassion towards my fellow man than what was probably deserved. And fueled by my own self preservation, I’ve neglected the right thing to do for what was easiest. I have been both selfish and selfless, as if a war of opposing forces with an ever shifting front line rages for my soul. The religious would say it is angels and demons, and maybe they’re right. But I choose to believe it is our natural instinct at war with our own self discipline.

Now this poses an interesting dilemma. If one chooses to view the world for what it is (or what I’ve described it to be), it would no doubt heighten the instincts to better navigate this new perspective of kill or be killed. So in order not to lose oneself in the chaos that is constantly ignored, one’s discipline must also heighten, as to not become just another animal.

The reverse is also true, as you continue to rationalize your existence, your natural instincts are underutilized and wither, leaving you directionless and wanting, constantly chasing the carrots placed in front of you by those wishing to control something that was never meant to be controlled. In nature there is no control. There is only freedom.

The freedom to live or die, to fight and survive, to love and feel deeply.

This isn’t a call to arms or an attempt to disrupt your current beliefs as it could be perceived, just a nobody wanting to give life to the thoughts that haunt him everyday. Perhaps putting pen to paper would help me finally find some peace or at least allow others to better understand their own thoughts, if they happen to find some truth in what I write.